Season 2
41 Minutes

E55 | Dr. Margarita Gurri | When A Misbehavior Expert Finds Her Own Bawdiness

Dr. Margarita Gurri is a Misbehavior Expert from Cuba who solves people problems. Margarita does this with an unbeatable combination of wisdom and wit. Margarita is a clinical psychologist, passionate about ethics, has written numerous books, hosts 2 podcasts and is a Certified Speaking Professional.

Cuban-born and Miami-raised, Margarita represents the best of what makes Miami such a vibrant global city. A true renaissance woman, Margarita keeps boldy exploring new playgrounds and refuses to retire.

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Dr. Margarita Gurri  00:00

It was not the first time the guns would have been pointed at me. But it’s the first time I’d seen guns pointed at my mom. We were in the airport ready to escape. And it was American Airlines. So it’s not like a harrowing escape, only that we not get detected. At the last minute they took my mom away with the guns, the thugs. I won’t call them warriors because I love our military and I think Castro’s thugs don’t deserve that valid name. You know, they pointed the guns at my mom and now she’s going out. I could see her little here’s going a little back on the seat of the noise. And she turned around very gracefully and told to my brother if I don’t come back, take the girls and meet Poppy in Miami.

Achim Nowak  00:42

Hey, this is Achim Nowak, executive coach and host of the MY FOURTH ACT podcast. If life is a five act play, how will you spend your fourth act I have conversations with exceptional humans who have created bold and unexpected fourth acts, listen, and to be inspired. And please rate us and subscribe on whatever platform you are listening on. Let’s get started.  I am so happy to welcome Dr. Margarita Gurri to the MY FOURTH ACT podcast. Margarita is a misbehavior expert solves people’s problems. I just have to say I love saying this behavior expert. You can tell that’s a wicked phrase. And if you know nothing else, you already have an introduction to my friend Margarita. She does this with wisdom in which I consider an unbeatable combination. Margarita is a clinical psychologist who is passionate about ethics. She’s a certified speaking professional. She’s a global speaker. And this is a designation that’s bestowed on very few speakers all over the world. She has written numerous books, she hosts two podcasts, and as a really a rollicking, wonderful public speaker. Is Cuban born in Miami raised and to me, she represents the best of what makes Miami such a vibrant city. She’s a true renaissance woman who keeps exploring new playgrounds where she can be of service to the world. Welcome Margarita.

Dr. Margarita Gurri  02:20

Welcome that was lovely. Thank you. I’m gonna listen to that every morning for the rest of my life.

Achim Nowak  02:25

No, I expect you to live up to this.

Dr. Margarita Gurri  02:29

Well, I will endeavor to

Achim Nowak  02:32

To our listeners confession. Sometimes I have guests who have never met before. And Margarita and I have known each other well, for about 17 or 18 years. And you will probably sense that in our conversation. I’d love to start every conversation with a question that goes back to childhood dreams and aspirations. And in your case, and I’m curious how you’ll answer it. Because if I got this right, you came from Cuba to the States, I believe when you were six. So when I think about who you wanted to be when you grew up, I’m thinking, were those Cuban dreams that were born there? Were those American dreams are born Miami, did you have a sense where you wanted to be when you grew up?

Dr. Margarita Gurri  03:15

Well, I think that, so we left Castro’s Cuba, November 5 1960. And I was four and a half. So I’m 65. Now, in a few days, I’ll be 66. So I can still say I’m 65. Although generally I lie and tell people I’m closing in on 70. Because then I look great for my age, right? You do. Thank you for 70 Not bad. So my aspirations came from this country actually. I believe that that journey changed everything about how I see the world. Because I saw, even like when we were escaping, so we were told we could bring $5 per person in one suitcase for the family. My father knew there was something up and was informed by someone with inside knowledge that he needed to leave so he left a few days earlier. So my mother left with my two older siblings, Irene and Joe, and my twin sister and I and then she was upset with the $5 per person and leaving everything behind because they weren’t wealthy than they were in a wonderful place in their lives. They had built their retirement home, which was this beautiful place that became an embassy later in Cuba. So my mother did this. And she was very fashionable, very funny. And she decided, I’m going to leave my way. So she wore Of course, red shoes. Now, it’s kind of funny because to me that were fashionable, not the most practical. And when I saw how people responded to my mother at the airport, it was not the first time the guns would have been pointed at me. But it’s the first time I’d seen guns pointed at my mom. We were in the airport ready to escape. And it was American Airlines so it’s not like a harrowing escape. Only that we not get detected. At the last minute they took my mama away with the guns the thugs. I won’t call them warriors because I love The military and I think Castro’s thugs don’t deserve that valid name, you know, they pointed the guns at my mom. And as she’s going out, I could see her little here’s going, a little conceit of the noise. And she turned around very gracefully and told to my brother, I don’t come back, take the girls and meet Bobby in Miami. I remember thinking, How elegant she was. I knew something was up. I didn’t know what was happening. I was too young to be in the know. And she kind of winked and did a little dance. And I thought, wow, what grace under fire. And at that moment, the world stood still. And I started from then on watching how do people react? When big things are happening good and bad. They marched my mother away. And I watched her as far as I could, she rounded a corner and I could still hear the heels. From that moment on, my goal was to understand what makes people choose how they respond, and to be a service because both of my parents were very service oriented. So that’s all I knew. I didn’t know how

Achim Nowak  06:07

I was thinking as you’re talking, you know, I lived all over the world as a child. And when I was for, we left to Germany to move to Portugal. But I have no consciousness. Well, are we staying here? Are we going back? But I didn’t know that once a year we visited grandma in Germany, which you did not do. Right? You there was no way that you were flying back to Cuba. So that’s how the experiences are different. I just was moved by your description of your mother and her the way she carried herself.

Dr. Margarita Gurri  06:42

And my mother loved you Hakim and my father too.

Achim Nowak  06:46

Well, let’s talk about that because I met your parents. When I came to Miami. You became a clinical psychologist and you’re a daughter of a very well known psychologist, and

Dr. Margarita Gurri  07:02

actually psychoanalyst, he was a psychoanalyst, psychoanalyst training analyst. You can see it on the right. Can you smell it?

Achim Nowak  07:12

Kill it. No. clarify for us. What’s your what’s your dad working as a cycle analyst in Cuba before he came here?

Dr. Margarita Gurri  07:23

He was in fact, he my older brother and sister born in Boston, because my father went to Boston to become a psychoanalyst. Yeah. So my older brother and sister Joe and Irene and Joe’s a surgeon now retired. And Irene was also a clinical psychologist, now retired. I’m the only one that doesn’t seem to get retirement, right. I love what I’m doing. And I’m never quitting as long as my brain was working, mostly, you know, they had this whole Boston experience. And then they came back to Cuba just in time, to establish everything and then lose everything. I think it was good for my father that he had that experience, became an analyst and then a training analyst. So we moved in Miami, or my father was in Miami, and had to go years back and forth to the Baltimore Washington cyclic Institute, to become an analyst. And then eventually, he helped found the Institute in Miami with Dr. cassuto. Gabby,

Achim Nowak  08:19

no wonder woman relate this to maybe listeners who also had a prominent parent and my partner has a prominent father. And I always see two possibilities. Either we want to be just like them, or we want to run the hell away from what they were doing. And you being in your dad’s footsteps in


some ways, in some ways,

Achim Nowak  08:46

would you just explain that a little bit?

Dr. Margarita Gurri  08:49

Well, sure. So first, a funny little story. My siblings when they wanted to be less than generous with me, they would give me the what they thought was an insult, which I took as a great compliment. You’re just like that. Thank you. And I thought that was mostly good. I mean, no one wants to be just like their dad. But I wanted to be somebody who helped others one point that I was going to be a pediatrician. But then I thought about it. And one thing I’ve always known as I wanted to have babies, I wanted to have children and grandchildren. I just loved children. To me, that’s the most important thing in my life. And my children are grown and they still like me and talk to me, they still like each other. And then my grandkids are amazing. That’s all I care about the main thing. The second stuff is just the blessing. You know, the other stuff I get to do in my life and have impact with others. It’s for me the the icing on the already pretty happy cake. Becoming a psychologist for me was started when I was like seven or eight, that journey. I was riding my bike. So back then, you know, my parents did not apparent American style. So we have a lot of freedom because in Cuba, we had a nanny. I had a nanny, my twin sister had a nanny, and then my older brother’s sister at that point shared One. So this hands on hovering thing that a lot of American parents do. My parents didn’t get that notebook, right. I was running around on my bike in Coral Gables and started raining. So of course, I go to the library and I go in, and I’m soaking wet. I’m going up and down the aisles looking for inspiration of what book Shall I read today? I was very young. And a book hit me on the head. And it was Freud’s analysis of dreams. I have to laugh. And so I took it home. And I was reading it in my favorite chair. And my dad, papi came up to me say, maybe I’m so glad you’re reading. We don’t buy books that you’re well, you know, as you know, you’re welcome to read any of them. You never censored what we read as long as we ask them questions about things. And that’s how I got into sci fi fantasy fiction because they were sexy, you know. So here I am reading the book. And then I said, No, Bobby, I got this in the library. And he laughed. And then he says to me, do you know what I do for a living? I said, Yeah, you’re a doctor. And he laughed. He said, Well, let’s talk. So we went into a study and explain what he did that he was a training analyst and what psychoanalysis was, and he was a Freudian analyst. And then he showed me his whole collected works of Freud. And I read most of them, he was delighted to be able to share it. I continue to earn that slur. Yeah, you’re just like that? Well,

Achim Nowak  11:26

the joke between you and me was over the years that Freud is all about sex. And you’re, you have a body sense of humor. So there you go with that joke. As somebody who comes, you know, from a Freudian family background, even if you don’t identify it that way yourself? Was sex talked about in your family? Or was it sort of a cute joke like you and I would joke about it, since Freud is associated with that in some kind of way.

Dr. Margarita Gurri  11:57

That’s funny. My parents never talked about sex. But my parents were very romantic with each other, they would always be dancing. I remember walking into a room and see a quick caress, when my mom or dad was sick, I saw how tender they were with each other. And once I was in college, I was in my parents shower, because all the all the bathrooms were used up in the Coral Gables home, my father came in and was very tender. And as I Poppy Bobby hits me in the shower. I was afraid that, you know, so I saw a bunch of tenderness. Now, having said that, anytime I had any questions, I could ask my older siblings. And I could ask my dad, if I wanted to, which I never did. I think that’s funny. So it’s my older sister that told us the facts of life. Yeah.

Achim Nowak  12:52

I know you as a clinical psychologist, and I know you as somebody who’s increasingly done less and less of that, and the one on one kind of way, and pursued all sorts of other things. And I think that might be an interesting conversation for us to explore. I know lots of clinical psychologists want to be coaches, because maybe this sense that there’s less rigor or less supervision, you can be freer in your work. But there’s also pride in the profession and the training, and you have that and you’ve transcended it. Would you just give us a sense of how you moved other areas from your core training?

Dr. Margarita Gurri  13:32

Well, I think my speaking career started in middle school, when my mother whose English was fairly good, but not perfect. She always had this lovely accent. I Hakim so nice to see you. How would you, you know, she was just gracious. And I always was hoping she would not get rid of her accent because I loved it. She was just such a beautiful soul. And the whole idea of speaking as a service to others came in my mind that I was an instrument of voice. And then I read, of course, Ender’s Game, where he was the voice for the dead speaker for the dead. And then I get kind of thinking, so I did my private practice. And I did that for over, I don’t know, 4045 years. I don’t know who’s counting the decades. And I love

Achim Nowak  14:15

to start when you were five. So

Dr. Margarita Gurri  14:18

now, I saw my first patient in 1980. Yeah. So that’s been a while. So the idea of therapy, I first I just wanted a private practice. And so I saw individuals of all ages. And then I started more and more seeing business leaders. And then I started advising teams and groups and then the military and pretty soon I had moved from a one on one or a family or, you know, very small to bigger. And I was fascinated by that. So after many, many years of having my own solo practice, I decided that I was going to transcend my training. I had already started doing more and more speaking more and more Traveling, and I realize you can’t be a good shrink if you’re not available. And I thought, why do something if you can’t do it? Well, it just seemed unethical. But I also then was being called, as my mother would say, you can’t ride two horses at the same time. So I picked the horse of maybe having bigger impact. And you and I met, I met you at a party. And everyone was whispering about you, because you were new on the scene. And I thought, well, I have to meet this guy. So I went up to met you. And I thought you were just charming. And we connected, interesting mind interesting stories. And eventually you and I got to talking about work. And you taught me something that I had known, which is how to create an interactive training. That got me on fire, because I love to see when people Aha, there’s an idea. This is how it relates me now how can I practice it and unleash it on the world in a way that makes everything better? So I learned that from you, thank you very much a human. And it was just so much fun. I’ve just been more and more bigger and bigger groups, the biggest audience I’ve seen is 5000. I thought it was going to be scarier than it was. But it’s not any bigger. Once you get to a certain size, I guess doesn’t matter. He there. We’ve answered.

Achim Nowak  16:14

Troy, darn it. I like the way that back in well, you

Dr. Margarita Gurri  16:18

know, me and my bad puns.

Achim Nowak  16:24

My senses, I do some speaking from a decent speaker, but I don’t think I’m as passionate about it as you are. I love it. I think to speak at that level, there’s an element of just performing for people. And I mean that in a good way, and not a bad way at all. What do you love about performing for others?

Dr. Margarita Gurri  16:48

Well, whether it’s one person, or a few 100, or a few 1000, I love the idea of someone saying we need something on this topic. And then I get to think what do they need? Who is this particular audience? I love unpacking the whole thing. What do they need to know, to feel to do to think I love the whole excitement of getting something ready. That’s kind of like resume. And then instead of just one on one, I love watching when they get an idea, you know, you can see that most of the time people’s eyes are not particularly bright and shiny. But as you look in the sea of faces, and you see, you see the eyes sparkle, I love that. I love knowing that maybe something I said inspired someone to do something that might help them in the world do better. I love that. Then training after Aquino, then training helps instill Okay, so how do you do this? Yeah, and coaching them drills down even more, for me particular with my strengths and skills, and the things that are my barriers that I haven’t owned? Well, how do I make those barriers into a blessing? And how do I move forward? So I love that whole thing. From keynote to training to coaching. It’s to me, almost as exciting as having amazing grandchildren, eating chocolate ice cream that I just made. And I’m just saying,

Achim Nowak  18:09

alright, you gave me a list four different doors I could walk through right now. All right, door number A, then I’m trying to decide where to go. Word from your sponsor. That’s me. I invite you to go to the website associated with this podcast Fourth, you will find other equally inspiring conversation with great humans. And you will also learn more about the my fourth act mastermind groups where cool people figure out how to chart their own fourth acts. Please check it out. And now back to the conversation. Let’s go to this one. You were incredibly helpful to me during my second book when we came up with a model about personal power.

Dr. Margarita Gurri  19:03

I was delighted and honored. It’s a great book. Yeah,

Achim Nowak  19:07

the deepest part and the you and I really wrestled with this and then you insisted we use the word charisma. And charisma is a word that can scare a lot of people. I will shamelessly say that you have loads of it. And then we we thought well how do we define charisma and I still use your definition as I remember it to this day in my work with clients. It’s primal sexual animal energy. And we all have it whether we are expressing it or not. We’re born with it for some way it’s been shut down. Would you just just riff a little bit it’s not a clear question. But um, the importance of energy for you either M an energy that you send out energy that you receive, how you channel energy, just where do you where do you go with those questions?

Dr. Margarita Gurri  20:00

Where to start when Napoleon Hill talks about sex transmutation, and that is that same sexual energy, that it doesn’t mean you’re sexy or sexual. It is a primal energy, it’s life. So Freud talked about life and death instinct, arrows intelligence. I mean, I am actually in many ways, very Freudian. I love the whole idea that we’re born with this energy. And then depending on our experiences, we quickly filter it out, or cover it up, or do something to it that makes it no longer as accessible. One of the cool things about any interesting experience that we have, whether it’s full of shame, or joy, or embarrassment, or some misstep, or some amazing accomplishment, where we we have risked excellence, whether we succeeded or not, is not relevant to me. Anything like that bumps us up up against our energy and we think, Oh, that’s where that energy was. So sometimes shame is full of energy. And if you can unpack it, it’s a gifted state right there. So the whole idea that energy for me as a psychologist, people usually come when they’re in pain, something yucky has happened, or in the past, or the present or is about to happen. But sometimes they also come out of joy that people who are more self actualized more confident. Don’t wait for the yuckiness they, they work on the joy and enhance the joy. I do believe you can start with the yuckiness and find the joy. But I don’t think you have to have yuckiness to find joy to different avenues. But it exists there anyway, again, one thing that can be filtered. So I love the idea of someone knowing that there’s something that’s gotten their energy. So you and I’ve talked about my couch, are you ready? I have a cheesy proper you ready?

Achim Nowak  21:54

You have to explain what you show me because I

Dr. Margarita Gurri  21:56

will I will. This is the big red couch. All right. So many years in my practice, I sat facing a couch, which by the way, was not read. But since Dr. Red Shoes my brand, I made a brand consistent. And so you’re I was looking at three cushions. And this one was always closest to the door they could escape. And then I noticed that some of the more introspective people were here by this huge plate glass window I had. And then other people sat in the middle. So I was playing with ways to help people think about their mindfulness, their awareness, their accessibility to their energy to their blessings. And do they know what their barriers are to being truly amazing within their own skin? Yes,

Achim Nowak  22:42

I want to jump into the word barrier. Jump in, sir, you. So kindly mentioned earlier that you’re you’ve learned to navigate around your own barriers, I believe, yes, that word. Are you comfortable describing what one or two of those might be the things that you’re moving around?

Dr. Margarita Gurri  23:00

One of the barriers I had is that I wasn’t who I was supposed to be. So in every family there in four generations in my family, there was a nun or a priest that was born. Now I was born with a cheerful nature. And I’ve always had big faith. So the aunties, were looking to me. And I did not want to be a nun. I knew I wanted none of that. And I love nuns and sister, Rita balm was my favorite nun, she saved me. When we came to this country. I still know her, I love her. She’s, to me, the epitome of amazing leadership and grace. So I was supposed to be the nun. So I always felt like a failure, that I didn’t want to catch that mantle. My brother at one point was thinking of being a priest, and he will hold masses at our house and our living. So I thought shoot, I don’t have to do that. So there was a wacko little hole in our generations because you know, I knew that babies would be good. And I always knew sex would be good. Just always knew. So I thought, hey, I’m not passing those gifts up. I’m just not. And my mom and her wisdom said need that there’s other ways to serve God, you certainly do not have to be a nun. So that was one of my barriers, just the cultural expectation. Another one is I’m not regular. So there is a big prejudice in the world, that the people who with a temperament that are regular, they will wake up at a certain time they’re hungry to certain time, they pee and poo at a certain time they go to bed at a certain time. They work and play at certain times. That’s not me. I am very irregular. And I love that now. I’m very disciplined. So for years, I had a practice bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, you know, I know how to do it. And I do it graciously. But that’s not my natural way. I can work as you know, 14 hours in a row, loving it, and then take a day off and do whatever I want. I like the choice of, of waking up and just flowing. So that was one And barrier just accepting that this was not a bad thing. Luckily, the Cuban experience taught me that most grown ups don’t know what they’re doing. So I always knew it was okay to be the way it was. I never thought it was bad. I just had to work around other people’s thought that it was bad.

Achim Nowak  25:16

But we’re here, it’s funny, because I’ve had the privilege to meet some of your family and coming from a, your normal average screwed up German family. One thing that strikes me as being really different than I think a typical that way. It’s okay to not see your family for a year in Germany, you know, like I live abroad, you know, we, even if I lived in Germany, once or twice a year is enough, you know, we give each other space, we don’t get that close to each other. And nobody would front my sense as a German transplant in Miami, where lots of people have your Cuban origin. You know, I mean, I remember there’s in a weekend where you don’t see mom, dad, you know, there’s something wrong with you. And there is a closeness. That was really different. And yet, you’re talking about also the expectations that come with it, and then dancing around the expectations.

Dr. Margarita Gurri  26:10

Yes. And my parents weren’t really the issue. My parents were very different than many other people in the extended Circle of Love in which I lived. My parents were more, you know, do God’s work. He makes you, you know, who makes you your own quirkiness. And even like, during my confirmation father, one Sosa said to me, you know, God gives us her blessing. So we could do His work, but it’s with the quirks and failures and challenges that He guides us and doing. It adds us something interest to us and closes doors in some ways, but helps us open windows differently. I mean, it helps create creativity. I think that for me, the closeness is about respect for everybody. So not being in people’s faces with when we disagree, like how do you earn your own sense of self lovingly, and at the same time makes someone feel bad about it, though, that’s the path to when you have close family. That’s the path that one must navigate.

Achim Nowak  27:09

Now, I know you have two daughters. So I also know who you adore. They’re amazing humans, you’re

Dr. Margarita Gurri  27:16

a I’m so blessed to have they

Achim Nowak  27:17

are now coming from the tradition you come from, you’re giving us a great glimpse of your mom and dad. Your daughters were not born in Cuba. How do you hold that tradition with your daughters? How do you hold your very close to your daughters? How do you hold that and at the same time giving them the freedom to fly and do their thing? How do you navigate that as a mother?

Dr. Margarita Gurri  27:43

Well, I decided a long time ago, that part of what my parents did really right was to give us some free rein. I didn’t do it in the same way that my parents did. Because I was American raised and I knew about the options. Many American parents are so good at being supportive, but at the same time encouraging kids to to fly. So I tried to learn from all the parents that I knew that you know, all the American parents. And that was exciting. My kids were born five and a half years apart. There’s Jess, who we call Jake. And then there’s Kate. And each of them is strong and powerful and beautiful. They always know when I’m wrong, which is one of their blessings. They’re never short of an opinion. So I might call and say what do you think? And they’ll say something and they’ll ask me, What do you think? And I’ll say something. So that idea that my father had about openness to ideas and not being censured, that’s continued. But I think the big secret to our joy in our family, and to letting to be independent is to enjoy humor, and make things fun. So my mom used to do conga line to when it’s time to clean. And mind you my mother didn’t really clean much she made

Achim Nowak  28:58

I mentioned I heard about a bunch of nannies so

Dr. Margarita Gurri  29:01

yeah, I mean, you know, but my girls, I raised them with the humor with the conga lines to clean laughing sometimes I’d wake them up and we do midnight margaritas, of course, sons alcohol, we got that for Practical Magic, a wake up to see the thunderstorm. My father used to do that. Showing them going with the flow. And I think the weirder you are in terms of being true to your own self in a thoughtful way. I think the more the kids really trust and respect you because they don’t expect you to be like everyone else. So there’s less to fight about. Plus, if you’re like everyone else, they already know all the arguments all the other kids use on their parents. You get them off centered if you’re just your own weird self. So they don’t know how to argue I didn’t have to think about this. So if you’re kind and thoughtful and show them respect, teach them how to be competent. And I think not enough people teach kids how to work. How to Say you’re sorry, if you are sorry. And if you’re not how to get sorry. I think those are important concepts.

Achim Nowak  29:54

Beautiful. Since you told us that you’re a few weeks shy of being 66. than that,

Dr. Margarita Gurri  30:02

I don’t know, a few days. A few days there St. Patty’s Day. Yeah, and the next day see they’re celebrate on St. Patty’s because the next day that twins are born. And then the day after is St. Joseph’s day, my father, so he could take credit. And my brother St. Joseph. So we were born in part the MIT right in the middle the effigy of the trilogy of yumminess. With the state. So it was the state twins.

Achim Nowak  30:26

What by the time you are listening or listening to us, Margarita is 66.

Dr. Margarita Gurri  30:33

I, but getting close to 70 and looking good for 70. Fantastic Frommer’s. Yes, for sure.

Achim Nowak  30:39

I mean, let me say that this week, since since we launched the room while you have taken steps, and become more and more visible in the world, meaning you’re not in a room just Yes, doing doing. You know, you are on stages, you’ve written books, you’re what interests me at this threshold? Because especially in the circles while we travel, people have certain narratives around this is what real success is like this is mean, you make this much money from speaking or you publish this many books or you’ve been in this program. And intellectually, we all know that’s a bunch of hooey. Right. But how do you define success or accomplishment for yourself, given that you are in this playground where the labels fix as it gets thrown around?

Dr. Margarita Gurri  31:37

For me success is that I have children who love themselves, they’re good to each other and to other people. And they’ve made their way in the world in a way that makes the world a better place. Same with my grandchildren. So when I mean to my children, I mean, my grandchildren as well. To me, that is my biggest measure of success that they like each other, they like themselves, and they still put up with me, which is lovely. We have fun, we grow. We’re all doing new things, in terms of business success. Some of that is your fault that he I have to say, You once told me You and I were having a conversation. And I don’t know how we got into it. We always got into conversations, and I never know how we got there. You said something about that I was playing small. And that struck me and I’m thinking well, I’m not I love myself, I’m doing good work in the world. And and then I got to thinking about it. Well, what does that mean? And then I thought, well, maybe you’re right. Because as a Catholic, and as a psychologist, and as a woman of pretty deep faith. I thought, you know, I’m not supposed to talk too much about myself or I’m not supposed to make a spectacle. Because that’s bragging or that’s imposing myself or all of those ideas that I don’t really think served me particularly well. Modesty is different than being cloistered. And I think I was somewhat cloistered I did groups, but I never told people what I did. I was an emcee for big groups never told people I did that. It was all word of mouth. And I never until the COVID came. And notice that I did the Cuban book COVID. Until the COVID came, I didn’t really think about advertising or getting new information. I’m old, I’m seasoned. I’m funny, I’m good at what I do. So when I do anything in public, I get some referrals. So it just kind of, and I figured that was God’s way. And then, you know, thinking back of magic, you know, my nickname is magic, magic. You’re playing small. And I thought, well, achine was right again. So okay, I decided if I was going to play big, and you and I had some of these conversations as well, what would that look like? And I thought, well, I’m going to follow the flow, whether it’s one person or a million, and I counted and I’ve talked to over a million people, audiences now that I’m this ripe old 65 and nine tents are nine and a half tents. And I’m thinking, wow, I guess you know, so my goal at this point, my my idea of success is that I can be true to the flow of what is it people need, and how and figure out a way to provide that in a way that is easy to digest and motivating to embrace and not get too full of myself.

Achim Nowak  34:45

The way you just described. How you want to be of service totally matches how I experience you which does not look good. But if you were to look to the future and cure Is there any other and they can be little things little, little dreams, little aspirations little things you go, I still wanted to this or something else I’d like to explore like, Well, lots give us a sense of what

Dr. Margarita Gurri  35:13

I mean. Okay, so this is my fourth act, I believe in a fifth and a sixth, maybe a seventh, I don’t know. My father died in his 90s, he was learning Italian. So at this point, I have decided, during the COVID, we became blacksmiths, Jake and I became blacksmiths, were beginners, but it’s so much fun. We’re learning how to make stuff. Playing with Fire is always fun. But besides that little quirk of mine, it’s really so exciting. And then we’re learning welding next. On my birthday, my friend, Mike is teaching me carpentry. Being a girl, I was never allowed to do any of that stuff in school. I try to matriculate in a few shop classes, and was not allowed because I was female. Well, that no longer matches anymore. And I’m going to learn to be a carpenter on my birthday. I can’t imagine anything more exciting than to learn something new. My friends know I don’t love gifts. I like activities. I like spending time with people. I like people to draw from your cook for me or telling me a story. Those kinds of acts of service mean a whole lot more to me. Part of the next act. So this is the doctor Red Shoe act right here from where I left my practice. And I’m working on putting all my thoughts into books. So I’ve, I think I’ve published six or seven books, I don’t remember. And I’m, I’ve got three more that are almost done. I’ve got five more outlined. I know but, you know, I’m never bored. And I’m never short an opinion.

Achim Nowak  36:49

I don’t mean to interject. But I’m just remembering, you know, one of the many things I adore about you, you will never just work on one book.

Dr. Margarita Gurri  36:59

I never read one book at a time either I’ve read two or three at a time. I mean, a little add goes a long way. Why do one when you can do more than one and a proper trial and just check them out? And just like with my movie series, that was the time? Yeah. Did I answer your question? Or did I go off like a squirrel squirrel?

Achim Nowak  37:23

I would like to wrap up with this. Alright, because somebody might be listening to you and go, Well, she sounds like she just has a lot of spunk. And she’s like, go getter. And she’s talking about a fourth act fifth act six act, but I have a couple of things I wanted to do. But you know, I’m not as I’m a little scared of doing these things. You know, I feel like I want to slow down i i don’t have the fire she has, what kind of wisdom would you have for people who have things they may want to try? But it doesn’t feel that easy to try? And?

Dr. Margarita Gurri  38:00

Well, I think you brought up two different ideas. One is someone wanting to slow down and maybe their next act is to master the art of contemplating one’s navel and porch with the rocking chair. But you also talked about the fear of failure or the fear of doing something new. How exciting to be afraid. Why do something that you know, you’re going to succeed at when I give it a shot? I mean, am I going to be the best blacksmith? No, my daughter Jake is so much better than I am. Who cares? I’m proud of her. Even if I’m the worst blacksmith in the world, I’m enjoying the process. And we’re we’ve just designed letter openers, so if I’ve ever get good enough, I’ll share one with you. And I’m learning how to wrap leather around it and make a little holster with a leather. It’s gonna be a while before I get good enough to share any of those. But it’s so much fun. Dive into Ubu if you’re afraid do it anyway. But if your fourth act is about calming down and doing nothing, then do that lovingly and share the blessings of doing nothing with someone else. Follow your instincts

Achim Nowak  39:10

but plow through the fear. Beautiful. Now where would you like to send folks to find out more about what you do your books your podcasts were

Dr. Margarita Gurri  39:24

to Margarita What if they just go to a doctor red And I always thought it’s funny that audience is coming Dr. red shoes that are Dr. Red Shoes. So I always tell him when one shoe because we’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop and you better be ready. So once you Dr. Red Shoe and then also to my YouTube, which is backslash Dr. Rich. Awesome. They can go there and a heme So what’s next for you?

Achim Nowak  39:51

I am moving from one abode that I really loved a beautiful place to a A new place that I’m already loving, even though I haven’t moved in, it will have a very different experience. And that’s wonderful. Maybe as we close together. One thing I’ve learned about myself once I have accomplished something, in this case, creating this very beautiful home that I have, I’m ready to let it go and move into something else. I think the ability to let go and explore again is a wonderful thing for all of us.

Dr. Margarita Gurri  40:31

Yes, there’s a lot of energy in those new beginnings and those closings, you know, and no one knows how to put a house together like a heating. Your houses are always beautiful and elegant and simple, and functional, very peaceful places. I can’t wait to see what you do with this next one year. We’ll see. I look forward.

Achim Nowak  40:51

Thank you for closing with that question. And just thank you for the gift of I will say you the conversation but the gift of you and your energy Margarita.

Dr. Margarita Gurri  40:59

Well and I love you or him and my parents and I are always glad that you are in my life. Thank you.

Achim Nowak  41:07

Thank you so much. Like what you heard, please go to my fourth And subscribe to receive my updates on upcoming episodes. Please also subscribe to us on the platform of your choice. Rate us give us a review and let us all create some magical fourth acts together. Ciao


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